Do They Have HBO in Hell?

What do Spielberg’s Poltergeists 1, 2 and 3, White Noise starring Michael Keaton and the horror flick, The Ring all have in common?

Creepy scenes involving a television!

Growing up I was warned that T.V. was bad for me, but I thought that meant my eyeballs would implode if I sat too close. I had no idea that ghosts could burst out of the screen and that television was…evil.

For years I ignored the warnings and lived dangerously. I watched Donny and Marie, The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. Sure, Donny and Marie’s relationship was somewhat unnatural, but it wasn’t “supernatural.” The Love Boat? Now what could be evil about an amorous ship? Maybe Doc was a little too touchy-feeling at times, but that’s not evil. Unless of course, he touched his patients inappropriately. And Fantasy Island? No wait, that show WAS evil. On so many levels.

As I sprouted into a more discriminating couch potato, I enjoyed such non-evil classics as Silver Spoons, Family Ties, Growing Pains. The Wonder Years, and Roseanne. All perfectly pleasant and moral. Okay Roseanne could be foul at times, especially during that whole Tom Arnold spell, but I wouldn’t say she was evil (Though when asked about that, Tom Arnold may disagree…)

Then of course Bev Hills 90210 and Melrose Place. Nothing evil there. Just some down to earth kids living a wholesome life, learning valuable lessons along the way…down Rodeo drive.

These shows and many, many more helped to shape me into the stable, NORMAL, completely not evil adult I am today. (Though when asked about that, my husband AND Tom Arnold may disagree…)

My love for television never waned. T.V. was my friend. In fact, my affection only grew stronger with the addition of my new friends Mr. Satellite Dish and Mrs. PVR. Oh, the good times we all had.

Sadly (single tear rolling down my face), my relationship with T.V. turned ugly. I had become too clingy. I always had to know what T.V. was doing. What was on T.V.? Who won the immunity idol? Which stars are being danced with? If I watch enough episodes of American’s Next Top Model, would I be able to perfect the runway walk? My relationship with television was unhealthy and I made a change.

Actually, WE made a change. My husband and I decided to cancel our T.V. service cold turkey, as a “trial” to see how long we could go without it. That was three years ago.

I’m not going to lie. I miss my old friend. But, we rent and download movies and my children and I make a weekly trip to the library to choose DVDs for them to watch. We also read a lot, play games and spend time on the computer. Who knows, when the kids are older and are being teased mercilessly at school for not knowing who Hannah Montana is, we may reconsider. T.V. isn’t actually evil right?

Or is it?

Get a load of what’s on our T.V. screen in the family room right now.

Since our daughter’s recent seizures, our family KINDLY bought us a surveillance camera to keep an eye on her. It’s creepy when she looks into the infrared camera and her eyes glow like a demon. It’s like one of those ghostly, creepy movie scenes, but then I just imagine I’m watching an episode of Big Brother and it’s okay.

Watching our daughter on the T.V. is our new fave pastime. It is hi-larious to see what she gets up to in there when she’s supposed to be sleeping. It’s our new Must See T.V.

*Note: Black speck in the centre of the T.V. is actually a fly..an EVIL fly…on the camera lens.

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