What’s in a word? Letters of course. But there’s more. A word has the power to evoke emotion; beautiful or ugly, inspirational or devastating.
In the eighties “gay” was a common descriptor. As in, “Oh my god, those jelly shoes look totally gay with those parachute pants.” A few decades later, while shopping with a friend I said, “This song is so gay.” To which she replied, “Really? It’s homosexual is it?” She worked in an industry populated by gay men and pointed out that using gay as a synonym for stupid or odd was offensive. Prior to her bluntly putting it into context like that, the concept had no relevance for me. I didn’t have any gay friends at the time and wielded this word with complete disregard for the feelings of others. Unintentionally, but ignorantly just the same.
Chances are if you were a teen in the eighties or nineties you also threw around such phrases as, “I can’t believe how retarded that movie was.” Or “I look like a retard with this perm.” I was guilty of using it until I suddenly became faced with the reality of the word.
I have a sense of humour and know there’s nothing funny about politically correct robots. I’m simply suggesting some words are so warped and emotionally loaded, they are better left unspoken.
If a child is developmentally challenged, they are by definition, mentally retarded. It is what it is, but the word retarded catches in my throat. Many families prefer the term “developmentally delayed”. I feel delay suggests if you work hard enough, a child with developmental delays will eventually catch up. Maybe they will. But maybe not. I prefer special needs. Or in my daughter’s case, unique.
In medical circles the term mentally retarded is perfectly acceptable. But when you’re at the grocery store with your unique child and the woman ahead of you in line complains, “This line is so slow. Is the cashier retarded?” it is NOT acceptable. It’s ignorant and insensitive.
When someone uses the r-word in casual conversation, almost always sarcastically or in jest, I wonder if they know what a huge impact this word has? Retard is a word Hollywood uses often for a laugh. The thing is, if developmental challenges are a part of your reality, it’s simply not funny.
Words are more than letters. They have meaning.
Comments
5 responses to “The R-Word”
I so agree. Words are powerful. Regardless of intention, the implications remain.
When someone I'm with says "That's so gay" I respond with "You say that like it's a bad thing." If nothing else, it makes them stop and consider what they just said.
I never, never, NEVER use that word. I do my very best to teach my children (they're 5 and 7) that words are very powerful and have the potential to do a lot of harm, so it's important to use them carefully.
Using the "R-word" is, in most cases, simply about someone being lazy and careless. Definitely NOT a lesson that I want my daughters to learn.
My favorite post on the subject: http://davehingsburger.blogspot.com/2008/08/words-hit-like-fist.html
I have a couple of those cards on my desk at work.
[…] And if you dare make a racist or sexist or homophobic joke within earshot, I’ll call you on it. I don’t enjoy rocking the boat or stirring the pot or poking the hornet’s nest or generally making a fuss but so help me, if you make a joke that includes the word “retard” I’ll rock, stir and poke, hard. […]
[…] inflict hurt or disrespect. Then they’re truly offensive. Don’t even get me started on the R-Word. That’s one loaded word I never use. There’s never a positive reason to use […]