So if I may, I’m going to vent freely. Feel free to read or not.
Here are ten things that got stuck in my craw today. If not dealt with promptly, this will result in a festering craw blister. Ouch.
1.The line up at the Tim Horton’s drive-thru this morning was at least twenty cars long backed up into the street. Get out of your car you bunch of laziess and go inside to get your damn coffee. The only one who should be idling, is Billy.
2. Traffic circles… please learn how to use them. The yield sign is not a suggestion. If I’m entering the circle first, I have the right of way. This means you not should speed up in your giant gas guzzling SUV to try to take me out. If I was a polar bear, I’d totally maul you.
3.When I slow down to let you into the flow of traffic as a courtesy, a “thank you” wave would be nice. I understand that it’s tricky to wave while you’re driving AND talking into your phone. I see that you’re holding it in front of your face and it’s not actually to your ear, but you’re not fooling anyone. You are still in fact on-your-phone-while-driving. You’re clearly super important and whatever call you’re making obviously can’t wait until you’re safely parked and not in danger of killing somebody.
4. Scowlers, why you gotta be like that? If you’re in a pissy mood, just stay home. Or at least fake it until you make it. We don’t need you spreading your piss and vinegar all over the grocery store.
5. You know those people who bolster their own self confidence by belittling others and/or cutting down their accomplishments? Ick. This doesn’t have anything to do with me directly, but there’s someone who keeps doing this to a friend of mine. If you hurt one of my sisters, I’ll cut you. Every time my friend shares an exciting accomplishment or moment in her life, this other “lady” pipes up with a negative comment. Doesn’t she see that this makes her look small and petty?
6.Pig trucks. I’m not going to go off on a rant about factory farming (even though I really want to. I mean, have you watched If Slaughterhouses Had Glass Walls? It’s gut wrenching). I’m not going to preach. But, when I see a truck with a cargo of gentle and intelligent herbivores being driven to their death, I want to swerve in front of the truck and set them free. But of course I don’t. Instead I cry and silently apologize to these poor creatures as I drive on by.
7.Telemarketers. Are you for real? Stop it.
8. And dear door-to-door sales people, does anyone actually buy anything from you? When you rang my doorbell this morning I had just cut my thumb with a tomato knife and was bleeding all over myself when you decided to pay me an unexpected visit. Have you even heard of Home Invasions? Excuse me if I didn’t open my door. And the literature you stuck in my door crack, I put it directly into the recycling bin. So, please f*ck off.
9.Braggers. You’re awesome. We get it.
10.Crap. I swear I had another point but I forget what it was. I blame the cold meds. Probably for the best though, this is getting kind of ugly.
So here’s the positive bit, because there always is one. When you’re feeling blue and you open a tub of Earth Balance “butter spread” (because we’re trying to lay off dairy) and you see, this.
I’m not sure what the heck it is but it made me laugh. And obviously I had to take a picture of it and text it to all my friends with the subject: “I wanted peanut butter, not penis butter….”
And then suddenly, after something as silly (and gross…sorry) as this, my day began looking up. See, I am a silver lining kinda person after all.
