Losing It (And Other Things)

I suspect I might be the biggest loser. And not in an inspiring reality show kind of way. Ask anyone in my life how often I lose things and they’ll point a finger and burst out laughing in my loser direction.

Somehow, somewhere in my adulthood, I’ve become extremely absent minded. I physically lose items daily. Why? Dunno. I do know that while it’s a source of great hilarity for those around me, it’s frustrating as hell.

I’ve written on this topic before. Like how I’m a loser baby and how I’ve basically lost my ever lovin’ mind.

I expected it would’ve gotten better by now. Hasn’t. One of the areas we’re working on with our daughter is her ability to focus. We can absolutely blame her developmental delays on her lack of concentration, but what can I blame? Lack of sleep probably. Irregardlessly (I know, not a word, but I’m tired and don’t care) My lack of focus leads to the (often permanent) misplacement of the most random items.

The most recent MIA items include:

• Car keys, found a day later in a coat pocket…a coat I don’t recall wearing for months—So what’s happening here? Black outs, alien abduction, sleepwalk coat wearing? No clue.

• Large bag of new spring clothes purchased for Avery. The mysterious part, the clothing store was our last stop before returning home. I’ve scoured the van, the house and even called the store to see if I left the bag behind. Nuthin. HOW does that happen?!?

• Cell phone. An ongoing ridiculous situation. Thank the Apple gods for inventing the “Find My Phone” app.

• The king size fitted sheet for our bed. This one baffles me. It went into the wash but only the top sheet resurfaced. How do you lose a giant bed sheet in your own home?? I finally gave up looking and bought a new one.

• A can of chalkboard paint I bought specifically for a craft I wanted to do this weekend.

• The buttons for our duvet cover. They have progressively popped off over the past few weeks during what I suspect might be some serious nocturnal flailing. I collected and saved each one in a “safe” place, planning to sew them back on. Button, button, who has the button? I have no fucking idea.

• Lipstick, lipgloss, chapstick. If it belongs on my lips, it’s currently MIA.

• iPhone charger. Turns out I left it at the Genius bar at the Apple Store. Who’s a genius? Not me.

• A spa gift card. Found later in plain sight. I swear I looked there.

• Cheese grater which is….not grate.

• Avery’s skates. Right after I promised to take her skating. Had to go buy new ones. How do you lose skates that have never left the house??

• Charger for Avery’s battery operated drive-on car.

• Charger for Sebastian’s electric scooter.

There have been other things lately too. Lots of other stupid things. But par for the course, I forget what (and where) they are.

Do you lose things? Like, chronically I mean. 

What is wrong with me?!! Do I need constant supervision? A webcam on me at all times? Ginko Biloba? A GPS tracker on everything that isn’t nailed down?

I’m at a loss…

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